Why don't I drink?

Choosing the Tea over the Gin

Why don't I drink? 

This is not a topic I tend to really discuss all that openly, as nobody ever really asks. I find in most cases people have their pre-set assumptions about 21-Year-old students who don't drink.

Boring.

Can't handle it.

Light weight. 

Since starting at University last year, I found out way more people don't drink at this age than I ever thought. I used to be really self-conscious about the fact I don't and would hate bringing it up. 

However I now realise it really isn't a big issue. Me not drinking doesn't mean I judge those who do, or I can't hang out with people who do. I have a few reasons as to why I have decided to not drink over the past few years. 

The first reason is I just don't like the taste of most alcoholic drinks, so what's the point? I'd rather remember my time and enjoy what I am drinking, than get really drunk and not even enjoy the experience. 

My other reason is a little deeper than just not liking alcohol, so I am going to give a little disclaimer before I go on. 

The following bits of text contains the topic of addiction, grief and alcohol. I am sorry if anybody finds this upsetting as that is never my intention.

Growing up I was really close to my aunty and uncle on my mums’ side of the family. My mum only had 1 brother, so it meant naturally we kept in contact and saw them regularly. I loved having sleepovers at their house as It meant lots of swimming, McDonalds and Mars Bars ice cream. Which is the dream of any 10-year-old. Very very fond memories I will always treasure.

A few years ago now, our family had the devastating news that my uncle had died in his sleep. It left us all feeling so confused and sad as it was definitely not news we were expecting. He was only in his 50’s and should have grown old with us all. It hit my siblings and I a lot as we had been so close to them growing up. It left such a gap in all of our lives.

However it hit my aunty the most, as that was the love of her life. They didn’t have children, so the only family she had were us. We wanted to support her the best we could, so made sure we visited her regularly.

My mum and I were the closest to her during this time and would visit her most days just to check in. Her outlet during the grief and heart break was unfortunately alcohol. She would be sitting in her house alone and drinking the day away. It started to get out of our control, but also out of her control. She would wound up in hospital quite regularly after falling over. It was a long and painful few months as we saw her suffer from an alcohol addiction. Eventually her body just couldn’t handle it and gave up the fight.

Seeing someone so close to you choosing alcohol over life everyday kind of puts you off the stuff. It transformed her outlook on life and not for the better. They say alcohol is an addictive drug and from witnessing what I did firsthand- I can definitely see that.

I never want myself to be put in a position where I let something so deadly control me. Now I fully understand that alcohol is not to blame for the circumstances and not everybody who drinks is going to become addicted. I guess my reasoning is more a way of showing respect to my aunty and her life. Celebrating the life she lived before alcohol took over.

I just wanted to share this with you as a way of being open and honest about grief and the complexities that comes with it. Alcohol is still a tricky topic for me, but I am working on that.

If this post resonated or brought up anything for you then please reach out to friends and family, you trust. Grief is a life-long journey and I’m not sure any of us will ever be okay with it.

Charlie x